Every night, they roam the streets. Silent but deadly. Quiet but deathly. Hard to see yet so good looking. Who are they? What is their purpose? Will they help us, or will they be the end of civilization? The answers to these questions and more permeate tonight’s program. I invite you on a journey of discovery, of death and betrayal. I invite you to witness one of the greatest teams of our time. The Dream Team.
Hello, my name is Gerald. Take my hand as we weave together of tapestry of mystery. The Dream Team has been told in legends since the beginning of time. Scientists have found cave drawings of the quick footed group dating back to 1000000000000000000000000 B.C. But where did they come from, and more importantly, why?
The Dream Team is an elite fighting force hell-bent on keeping the likes of TP in the likes of trees. They have traveled the globe, stopping only for restroom breaks. They are known for their extreme sneakiness and love of inside jokes and nicknames. These nicknames are the only identification for the team, as their true identities have never been revealed. Let’s examine these names, shall we?
First up, we have Rambo. Legend tells of an unstoppable force that was birthed from the very caverns of the earth itself. He joined the Dream Team when he found no other challenge in life, as he had already killed all the dinosaurs and the dodo bird. He is the brawn of the team, and has been said to throw 100 rolls of TP per second.
Next up is a great mystery. The legend tells of legendary warrior whose Tibbeing skills are the stuff of legends. They call him The Stick. Why he is called The Stick is part of the mystery, although many believe it is because he is as thin as one. How did he become this thin? The legend continues to tell of how on one of the first Dream Team missions, he hid behind a bush to hide from an incoming car. And then a steamroller rolled over the bush.
Our next member is the giant behemoth known as Papa Bear. He towers over the rest of the team like some sort of giant or something. He is most recognized by his love for honey and singing songs all day long. However, these two loves have never combined in a moment of honey flavored music. Oh wells.
Onto our next (ahem) victim, Burgertime. Sometimes known as the Muh, or emitregrub. He is most recognizable for having a burger in hand and a tune on his lips. Not really, but whatevs. He’s really busy so I don’t even know this guy. NEXT!
Okay so, now is jolly old soul they call The Eye. Now for the obligatory explanation for how he got the name. That ol’ legend talks about the time that there were many ninjas waiting for the Dream Team to let their guard down. Fortunately, The Eye spotted these foes and the team lived to TP another day. Thanks, The Eye!
Finally, we come to the most mysterious member of the bunch. Some call him the Old Timer, others call him Nimbus. I call him awesome. He is known as the fastest creature alive, and has beaten NASCAR at its own game. Recently, however he has taken a small break, letting sound catch up to him after circling the globe. Get well soon, Nimbus.
These people are our protectors. Without them, the trees remain TP-less forever. Obviously, that's a bad thing. Duh. If you ever hear a whisper on the wind in the dead of night, perhaps it was the mysterious team of legends roaming the streets. Or maybe it was just the wind. Stupid. Why does everything have to be so mysterious? The wind is the wind. And that was the point of this explanation. Don't ever forget it: THE WIND IS THE WIND.
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